Thursday, September 27, 2007

I Ruin Your Childhood Misconceptions

Hey everybody! Got a couple of things for you today. First, on my Google homepage, I have a feed of WikiHow. This is a daily instruction on how to do, well, something. Innocuous things like "How to Steam Broccoli" or "How to Change a Tire." Today was "How to Flirt." Here's some highlights:

"Being a good listener is far more important to successful flirting than being witty." As someone who prides himself on wit, there is nothing more important than being witty. Maybe this is why I suck at flirting.
"Or be more assertive and hold the person's hand when you cross the street." Are we trying to date someone's grandma, or a five year old? Also note that that one is a link to "How to hold hands."
"What you say is not particularly important(as long as it's not completely idiotic)." Of course what you say is important! Don't go talking about the holocaust- it's not idiotic, but it's a terrible flirting topic.
"Funerals, for example, are generally not good places to flirt." If you needed a website to tell you not to flirt at funerals, maybe you shouldn't be trying so hard to breed.

Second on the docket, apparently last night's premiere of CSI:NY had a plot line featuring mystery blood on the Statue of Liberty. Loyal readers will remember I posted about a mysterious Statue of Liberty head on this very blog not so long ago (I believe the title was "Working in the Picture Business" for the curious and forgetful among you). Well, I saw the commercial for the show and I can assure you that it was the same head I blogged about. So, in case you watched the show, DON'T BE FOOLED! They weren't really repelling down the Statue of Liberty's face, they were on the side of my parking structure. It was all movie/television trickery and lies! Lies, I tell you!

Tune in next time when I tell you how magicians saw a lady in half and spoil the endings of popular movies.

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