Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tonight On SportsCenter- Me!

Tonight On SportsCenter- Me!
Originally uploaded by EliCubs
So, last weekend I decided to watch Valdosta State play for the Division 2 national championship in football (yes, I was that bored). As I'm watching, a commercial for the university comes on. It has the kind of production values you'd expect from VSU, but right in the middle, I caught a surprise.
Suddenly, I glance at the screen and see my smiling mug staring back at me! That's me in the middle, from A Chorus Line my senior year. First off, I didn't even know this showed was taped. Second, I certainly don't expect to see myself on ESPN2.
n my business, it's entirely possible to end up on the air from time to time. I've appeared in the background of Bones and Las Vegas in the the past. But on an ESPN network? I can honestly say I didn't see that one coming. Life is full of surprises.


p.s.- You can click on the picture for a larger view where I've highlighted myself.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

You Choose to Go With the Princess

The Princess looks at you with her large blue eyes. "Please," she begs, "Don't be foolish. Come with me away from this cave and I shall be your bride. I will do things for you that you haven't even imagined it's possible for two people to do with each other. And I know how twisted your imagination is."

Well, you don't need more prodding than that. You jump on her horse and ride with her off to her distant palace where you quickly marry her and take her to bed. It's fantastic. Why did you even bother with this quest when there's stuff like this that you could be doing? All those troll beatings and sword wounds seem so unnecessary now that you can have sex with a beautiful Princess all the time. You lie in bed, pleased with your decision to go with her and not find the dragon in his cave.

Of course, the dragon flew out and torched a village full of thatched roof cottages a few miles away, killing hundreds. You probably should have finished him off, since, you know, that was the quest we gave you and everything. Still, you probably didn't know any of the people who were burninated, and you're pretty damn happy right now. It's hard to complain when you're married to gorgeous royalty.

The End

The White House is Burning

Seeing a lot on the news this morning about the Eisenhower Building, which houses many executive government offices, being on fire. The fire apparently is near the Vice President's "ceremonial" office. What??? The Vice President has a "ceremonial" office? What's it for? Can he draft legislation in there and later say it doesn't count, like the ceremonial first pitch at a baseball game? Or is this the chamber where he gets his life support mask robotically attached and the Imperial Guard kneels before him, like Vader in Empire. Seems kinda suspicious. Of course, all of the media was quick to point out that the Vice President was in his working office in the West Wing at the time of the fire. Thank god. Don't get me wrong, I'm mostly thankful that the VP wasn't hurt, but if he's spending more time in his ceremonial office than his real office, we have even more of a problem than I thought.

Speaking of the problems with the current administration, I'm sure that when a lot of people saw the imagery of the smoke pouring from a government building, the first thought was, "Terrorists!" Is it bad that my first thought was, "What documents is Cheney burning this time?" Congratulations, Bush Administration, it appears that I'm more scared of you than I am of the terrorists.

Friday, December 14, 2007

You Choose to Face the Dragon

Really? You choose to enter the cave, even though you don't have any weapon, any armor, or any protection whatsoever? Why would you do this? To prove you're brave? You think this will impress the princess? Whatever, it's your funeral. I'm just following orders.

You walk into the pitch black cave, smacking your forehead that you forgot a torch, flashlight or any way to illuminate your path. Miraculously, you reach the dragon's lair with only minor cuts and bruises. You hear its lumbered breathing and can feel the heat of its smoke on your neck.

You charge at the dragon with...your bare hands. You slap its belly fruitlessly. It opens one eye, snorts out a fireball that chars you to a crisp, and bites off your head. You're dead. Big surprise.

Oh, and the princess? She liked you for your personality, not your bravery. Better luck next time, chump.

Sports Are Awful

Michael Vick to judge: 'I am not the beast' -

Michael Vick says he is an animal lover and "kinda shy." This makes perfect sense to me. If you love animals, the most natural thing a person can do is make two of them fight to the brutal death so that you know which one you should love more. And since you're shy (pardon me, kinda shy), you have to do it where no one can see you. How about the attic of those black sheds you have hidden on your property. No better place in the world for a shy guy to be.
Is anyone buying his reformed act? He can go to church all he wants, but that doesn't make him a good person. And from all accounts, he has both been going to church and being awful for a very long time. On the lighter side of this case, Vick showed up for his sentencing wearing a black and white striped jumpsuit. Those still exist? Maybe he should carry around a bag with a dollar sign on it. My favorite line I read about this- "What is he, the Hamburgler?"

Elsewhere in sports, everyone who has played baseball for the last 20 years or so has cheated. Sure there were the kind of jerks on the list that everyone expected and no one was upset about (Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens), but the tone of the report seems to suggest that the 80 or so names released yesterday were the tip of the iceberg. Everyone and there brother has been sticking a needle in their ass these days. Jerks.

So, there you have it- the latest entries in the "Athletes Are Just Grown Up Versions of the Assholes Who Picked On You in School" report. There's only one way to respond to this kind of behavior. Pay them millions and billions of dollars. I'm talking media moguls who are too greedy to pay writers kinds of money (at the risk of going off-topic, Les Moonves, the head of CBS, just announced his new salary at $3.5 million, with total compensation estimated at about $30 million per year after incentives. The amount that what the WGA is asking for would cost CBS- $4.6 million per year. That bastard (and he is a bastard) alone is making almost 7 times what the increase would cost his network to cover EVERY SINGLE WRITER THEY EMPLOY. Sheesh). Back to the athletes...

Wait, I can't think of anything more to say. I'm too bummed.


Tuesday, December 11, 2007

ESPN - Descendant of Davy Crockett, 5, kills bear

ESPN - Descendant of Davy Crockett, 5, kills bear

Looks like this kid just couldn't quite match great great great great great great great great great great grandpa Davy. 5 years old is far too old to have just kilt yer first bar. (That's not a typo, I was typing in hillbilly).

By the way, why do people still hunt? When (if) Davy kilt that bar, he used the fur to make a coat, ate the meat, and probably lived inside its hollowed out carcass to survive the harsh winter. This kid just killed a bear because he enjoys killing things. That creeps me out.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Getting Back Into Shape

Old Friends
Originally uploaded by EliCubs
I was looking at some recent pictures of myself and realized that i could be in much better shape. Ever since I took my new job, I've hardly gotten any exercise. I used to jog up to my wife's office and walk her home after work (we only have one car to share between us). Now I'm out of the house 12 hours a day for my job and it's just been easier not to do anything. Well, it's time to do something about it.

So, yesterday I got about about 40 minutes early, did some stretching and went for a jog. It really felt pretty good. I'm really hoping I can keep this up, and maybe vary it with other forms of exercise so my body doesn't get used to doing the same thing every day. I realize I've said this many times before, but I'm really getting to a point in my life where if I don't start to take care of myself, it's just going to get harder to do as I get older.

Additionally, I've decided to drastically cut back my soda intake. I had been having a can of Coke or 7Up every day with my lunch, but starting this week I've switched to water. I will still probably drink soda at restaurants or when we order pizza, but the daily volume will be going way down. As a downside of this, it's 4:30 and I'm dead tired. My body has to readjust itself to do without the caffeine. Of course, I was also at Disneyland until 1am last night, so that may have something to do with it, as well.

Wish me luck as I set out to improve myself!