Sports Are Awful

Michael Vick to judge: 'I am not the beast' - CNN.com

Michael Vick says he is an animal lover and "kinda shy." This makes perfect sense to me. If you love animals, the most natural thing a person can do is make two of them fight to the brutal death so that you know which one you should love more. And since you're shy (pardon me, kinda shy), you have to do it where no one can see you. How about the attic of those black sheds you have hidden on your property. No better place in the world for a shy guy to be.
Is anyone buying his reformed act? He can go to church all he wants, but that doesn't make him a good person. And from all accounts, he has both been going to church and being awful for a very long time. On the lighter side of this case, Vick showed up for his sentencing wearing a black and white striped jumpsuit. Those still exist? Maybe he should carry around a bag with a dollar sign on it. My favorite line I read about this- "What is he, the Hamburgler?"

Elsewhere in sports, everyone who has played baseball for the last 20 years or so has cheated. Sure there were the kind of jerks on the list that everyone expected and no one was upset about (Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens), but the tone of the report seems to suggest that the 80 or so names released yesterday were the tip of the iceberg. Everyone and there brother has been sticking a needle in their ass these days. Jerks.

So, there you have it- the latest entries in the "Athletes Are Just Grown Up Versions of the Assholes Who Picked On You in School" report. There's only one way to respond to this kind of behavior. Pay them millions and billions of dollars. I'm talking media moguls who are too greedy to pay writers kinds of money (at the risk of going off-topic, Les Moonves, the head of CBS, just announced his new salary at $3.5 million, with total compensation estimated at about $30 million per year after incentives. The amount that what the WGA is asking for would cost CBS- $4.6 million per year. That bastard (and he is a bastard) alone is making almost 7 times what the increase would cost his network to cover EVERY SINGLE WRITER THEY EMPLOY. Sheesh). Back to the athletes...

Wait, I can't think of anything more to say. I'm too bummed.

Cheers,
Eli