Let's See, What's In The News Today....

Thought I'd take today and do a little topical humor because I want future civilizations to unearth my blog (I'm assuming it will be published for posterity and some point, due to my greatness) and say, "I don't get it. Am I supposed to know that name?" Yes, nothing ages worse than topical comedy. Don't believe me? Watch the original Toy Story and then the original Shrek. Toy Story is five years older, but holds up much better. My advice- Don't parody anything until it's already established itself as classic. Not taking my own advice- here's some headlines from today:

"Debate Was Key To Win, Clinton Says" (NY TIMES)
OK, first off, the debate wasn't key. National debates hardly make a difference. Local ones are lucky if three people are paying attention. I really just wanted to talk about the election. I mostly like Hilary. I disagree with her on a few issues, but I think she'd make a good president. That said, she's the worst candidate the Democrats could pick. People HATE her (for no real reason, from what I can tell). The Republicans are salivating at the chance to mobilize their minions in an anti-Hilary campaign. I prefer Obama or Edwards based on policy anyway, but I would support Hilary if she won the nomination. The thought just scares me a little. Almost as much as Mike Huckabee (three scariest words in the English language- Southern Baptist Minister)

"Bush Calls Iran Threat To World Peace" (CNN)
I heard this press conference this morning. Bush is so dead set on war with Iran it's not funny. He basically said, well they did what we asked and stopped their nuclear program, but they might start it again. This was his same reasoning behind Iraq. He sees someone he doesn't like, makes demands, and when the demands are met, he assumes the worst and attacks anyway. How about giving people a chance to do the right thing before we kill them? Just a thought.


"Pregnant Marine Vanishes Before Testifying" (CNN)
My god! She must be some kind of wizard! That's quite a show. I didn't read the article, but here's what I think happened. She takes the stand, puts her hand on the Bible, is asked to tell the truth, and with a twitch of the nose- POOF! She vanishes! Tada! Every criminal in the world should do a magic trick before they testify- no jury could convict them.

"Bush Hopes to Jumpstart Mideast Peace Talks" (NPR)
Ah, Mideast peace. The president is turning his attention to bringing peace to the region he spent the first seven years of his term destroying. That'll help. Trivia Question! Which 20th century president(s) tried to broker peace in the Mideast to distract from other serious problems with their administration? (Hint: It's all of them).

There, now that that's out of the way, I promise I'll be funnier tomorrow.