Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Traffic Laws

Dear City of Los Angeles,

Please allow me to go over a few things you may or may not know about traveling by car.

First: Putting your hazard blinkers on does not give you permission to park in the middle of the street. I'm talking to you Coke truck on Vineland. And moving truck on Aqua Vista. And the 4 or 5 SUVs (always SUVs) every day on Hesby. If someone plows into the back of your parked car, you deserve it. Please find a place to park or just stay off the road entirely.

Second: The right lane on Laurel Canyon is a right turn only lane at Mulholland. It is clearly marked as such for about a mile ahead of time. If you are in the right lane, you are REQUIRED to turn right. Deciding you want to cut ahead of traffic at the top of the hill and then coming to a complete stop in open traffic until someone in the other lane comes to a complete stop to let your dumb, arrogant ass over is what causes the traffic jam in the first place. There is a special place in hell reserved for people who do this. I'm talking to you overly trendy girl in a giant pickup truck. And 90% of all cars in the right lane on Laurel Canyon every morning.

Third: If you are at a red light, and want to turn right on to a road where traffic has backed up, you are REQUIRED to wait until the light turns green to do so. "Right on Red" never has right of way and is only permissible if you are clear to turn. If someone stops before they block the intersection, this is not an invitation for you to turn, it's just so that you aren't blocked when the light turns green. Similarly, no matter how fancy your gated community is, you are required to stop at stop signs before merging into oncoming traffic. Oncoming vehicles have no obligation to stop and let you out. I'm looking at you, people with more money than sense or good taste on Laurel and Mulholland.

Fourth: You live in LA. You have no business owning a pickup truck. It seems to me that the kinds of people who would want to own a giant truck in a big urban area shouldn't be allowed to drive in the first place. I'm looking at you again, dumb bimbo who broke the second law.

Fifth: A law for pedestrians. If you cross the street and you are not in a crosswalk (or at the very least at an intersection), then when you get hit by a car it's your own damn fault. This is doubly true at night time. The crosswalk is only a few feet away, don't be so damn lazy.

Lastly: Los Angeles- you are far too large of a city not to have a decent mass transportation system. The car is proving itself to be a wasteful, inefficient mode of transportation but there is no viable alternative here. You want to do something about congestion? Build trains that go places people want to be. I'm about 5 miles from the nearest metro station at my office and that's just not acceptable. Once gas prices get much higher, I fear this city is going to have a riot on its hands.

Ok, glad to get that out of the way. I wish this blog was more popular so that the people who need to hear these things might actually read it. On to the crosswords:

I'm almost embarrassed to post my times today. It figures that on the first day of my posting I would have a complete mental block and post atrocious times. I hope I can get better.

New York Times- 7:33- not bad, I guess, but I spent too long just staring at the West/Northwest section of this puzzle.
CrossSynergy- 8:30 - unacceptable
Yahoo- 9:41 - even worse
New York Sun - 11:30 - even though it's my highest time, I'm no too ashamed. This was a hard puzzle, especially for a Tuesday.
LA Times- 5:20 - The only decent time of the day.


1 comment:

  1. I thought of you today as I zoomed along the right lane on Druid Hills, bypassing all the morons waiting to get into Target in the left lane. I always hear your voice when I get to that spot "Unless there's a bus - stay to the right!"
    Love, Mom